I suck at making friends. There, I said it. all my life I’ve struggled to completely fit in somewhere. I’ve had difficulty making friends, and when I do finally make friends, it’s taken me years to do. In High School I jumped group to group simply because I felt like I didn’t belong in most of it. I didn’t really find my current circle of friends until midway through 10th grade, so it took me a good four years. I love them dearly, and I hope we’ll be friends for a long time to come. You see, when I make friends, I struggle a lot when those friendships fall apart, because I put so much time and effort into making friends to start with.

I’ve found that I manage to make friends a lot easier online than off. I guess I just get quite shy and self conscious when physically faced with people. Talking to people online allows me to be myself whilst avoiding the social situation that somewhat freaks me out. I’ve made some wonderful friends online, some of them I know better than people I know in real life. I love them dearly and they are kind of like family to me. Distance doesn’t matter, neither does the fact we’re all sitting behind keyboards. The emotions people feel are still real.

So, I guess I’d just like to say to all my friends out there, online and off, thanks. I’ve really needed you all this year, 2008 has been the most ridiculous year imaginable. Friends really do make things a lot easier, and always know how to make you smile when you need it. If you ever feel like i’m being too clingy, please let me know. I don’t mean it intentionally, I just want to keep the friends I do have … If that makes sense.

I’m rambling now, so I’ll move on…

In exactly a week, It will be my last evening in New Zealand until February next year. It’s really hitting me that yet again, it’s going to be three months, minimum, until I see James again. We haven’t spent this long apart since before I moved, so it’s really starting to get to me. I want to go on this trip so badly but the thought of leaving him for so long is killing me a little a lot. It’s weird, these conflicting feelings make things really confusing. I’m so excited for this holiday, but I feel bad for being so excited when I remember that I’ll be away from James for months on end.. So confusing.

Still, I am looking forward to it. It’s exactly a month until I meet Katy whilst in London! Although, the more she keeps telling me about the weather, the more I want to skip London all together. I’ve never been anywhere that cold before, so it’s certainly going to be quite a shock for me. Especially because we’ll be going from Cairo to London … hah!

I’m getting pretty stressed out. Between now and next Friday, I have so much stuff to do, including sit two exams. As well as the exams (and the study I need to do for it) I need to clean the apartment top to toe, clean out the fridge, do several loads of washing, start packing, organise autopayments of my Vodafone bill, temporarily cancel the internet… There’s more, but I totally can’t think of them right now. Holidays shouldn’t be this stressful! I’ll need a holiday from the holiday! I do have something super to look forward to next Saturday, though! Rosey has sent me a surprise package full of what she claims to be stuff from Target, and has sent it to my address in Sydney. I have suspicions that it’s a bomb. Or a sex toy of some kind. Here’s hoping my parents don’t open it.

Sorry for not blogging anything decent for a while, I’ve been so caught up with my exams. My first two exams went really well, especially because I wasn’t expecting to do very well in either of them. We’ll see how the next two go, I’ve got plenty of time to study for them, provided I don’t freak out too much about the amount of crap I have to do first.

Will blog soon, I promise!

PS: I edited my Sarah page!

sym·bi·o·sis
n. pl. sym·bi·o·ses (-sz)
1. Biology A close, prolonged association between two or more different organisms of different species that may, but does not necessarily, benefit each member.
2. A relationship of mutual benefit or dependence.

I’ve been talking to a good friend this evening about relationships, and how I feel that there’s something a little bit more than a generic relationship between James and I. Even since we first began talking years and years ago, back when I was about 13, I always felt that it was something a little bit more than a friendship. Something would push me to keep talking to him day after day. I found him extremely interesting, fun to talk to and for the first time in a while, I felt like I’d really found a friend.

I still feel like that to this day. He’s my closest friend. I tell everything to him. He knows just how to make me feel better, how to make me feel loved, how to make me smile. I can act like a complete retard in front of him and not even think twice about it. I love that he acts like a complete retard back and that we can have entire conversations in silly talk and just laugh about it.

It’s cliche, but I think he’s my soulmate. I can’t imagine my life without him - It’s just physically impossible for me. I miss him terribly even when he’s just gone to his house for the weekend. How I’d be able to cope without him I’ll never know. We really are symbiotes.

MUSHINESS ASIDE…

My foot is almost entirely healed! Yay! It’s still quite stiff in the mornings and hurts when I put a little too much pressure on it. I’m walking fine, but can’t run yet. I tried at the gym the other day and almost collapsed… Hah! The bruising has completely disappeared. It’s still a little swollen, though.

There’s only 35 days until we leave for Dubai (if my maths is correct, anyway…) - This time next month, I’ll be in Sydney, more than likely getting ridiculously drunk with my brother, cousins and friends. It’s insane just how much I’ve missed Sydney, my family and friends. I’m really looking forward to seeing them again and exploring Sydney.

My schedule between now and then is going to be ridiculously hectic. Next week is the last week of University lectures, and I have two assignments due (one worth 20%, one worth 10%) as well as a test worth about 15%. Exam leave begins the week after, and I have two exams on the 4th and 5th of November, and another two on the 13th and 14th. I also need to organise exactly what I need for my trip, possibly end up shopping for stuff that I don’t have, sort out the apartment and pack all before the 15th. In fact, I really need to do it all before the 14th, because I’ll be spending the evening of the 14th at James’s place, and heading to Sydney the day after. Busy, busy!

My belly is full of dried apricots. They’re so tasty. I’d be eating more if they weren’t so full of sugar. Pff. I’m quite peckish too.

So, I’m looking for some new books to read. Considering I’m going to be spending a ridiculous amount of time travelling the next few months, I’m really going to need some good reading material. I’ll read anything, provided that it’s descent, so I would love to hear some suggestions.

Lastly, I’m going to do some pluggage. Why? Because I can.
Firstly to my Hard-Ass Mother-Fucking Slave Driver, because without her, my recent blogs would not be a success. I’d also like to thank AllRosey who always seems to make my evenings particularly lulzy. To Chrissy and Mike who put up with my rants and provide the comic relief from real life and Reese for making things so much more aesthetically pleasing. Lastly, thank you to Pat Benatar and The Bangles for entertaining my ears for the last ten minutes, Gordon Ramsey for his incessant cursing and cooking on my television screen, and Charles Darwin - Just because.

I struggle with people. It’s pretty common knowledge. I’m incredibly shy when it comes to meeting new people, introducing myself, holding a conversation. I’m always second guessing myself, and always worried about what the other person is thinking.

That being said, I don’t make friendships easily.

Elyse, Chenoa,Chrissy and Gail: You girls mean the world to me. I’m so glad I have you all, because without you, I’d be pretty fucking lonely. I don’t have many friends in New Zealand, and I would probably go insane from loneliness if I didn’t have you girls to talk to each day.

I’d also like to thank Kelley, Caitlin and Lisa too.

Thank you, girls, for making my days a little easier. Thank you for giving me something to look forward to each day.